a good day

what a nice day :)
woke up this morning at the comfort of home
-holiday mode-

let us start the day with a big smile and a big heart, and don't forget a cup of healthy mineral coffee :)
yummy!

i did it!

Yeay!!

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Hurry! Rebate is back!
:)

Back to reality

It's been a while since I just "disappeared"
well... I have always been around but I just kept myself low..
so many things have happened since march 2013 - well, not so many things. it was just one thing that I had to deal with but apparently it was so hard.

Break-up.... yeah that was it. I had been through a lot of break-ups with my previous ex-boyfriends but this one... sigh... it was such a heartbreak. It is sufficient to say that 4 years of effort, time and money being invested gave me nothing in return except heartache and tears. And my dignity had been crushed down till nothing left because the main reason of the break-up was he cheated on me-- and it was with a woman same age as my father. yeah, you heard me- same age as my father. she is a grandmother of one boy, hmmm and I don't know what else to say.

But all I know is, after few months of struggle, I think i'm back to reality and hopefully this time on the right track. I need to correct whatever wrongs I have done in the past, I need to "clean up the mess" he has left behind for me, and furthermore I have to move on so that I won't be stuck in this situation of "black-hole".

I have had my "black-hole" age before, and I don't want to go through that again. This time Alhamdulillah I feel stronger although it wasn't easy. The support I have from my siblings and close friends have made it bearable for me to go through although with much difficulties and heartache. Some more, I found comfort in someone who now has become like a brother to me- at times I feel I like him more than that, but I don't want to be mistaking that feeling as another. I don't want to rush and I'm not ready for another heart-break since he is already seeing someone. Right now, all I want is some space so that I could gain back my self-respect and dignity- whatever is left of me..

To be honest doing so at times like this is so difficult- with all the weddings I've been invited to, the child birth of many of my married friends and so on, oh god... it is so hard... but I have to hold on. Everybody has his/her own story in this world, and I have to believe that my story is somewhat unique and hopefully it will have a good ending... I really hope so. One thing for sure, right now I'm back. Yes, I'm back to reality.

back to square one

i've been keeping quiet... i know.. a lot of things have happened within this past one month which i cannot talk about on this blog- because it can hurt me again and again if i keep remembering it. for now i just want to put all those things behind me. but what i know is that, this time there is no turning back. i just need to re-start my life all over again. although my heart still feels so painful remembering what has happened, life must go on-- this time i'll go through it all alone. no more him. i just hope one day Allah will show him the true way, and may he repent for what he did.

Heartache and stresses

Time flies fast and without knowing it, it's been past one month I'm living in Gua Musang. Everything happened so fast- moving in to the hospital quarters, settling in (still), lots of meetings and courses in Kota Bharu (3 hours drive, my god), dealing with some annoying colleagues, dealing with patients (not so troublesome), dealing with my stubborn stepbrother etc etc...

Life must go on.. although I miss my Klang and my family so much, i have to bear with it. I have lots of things to do here this month. Oncalls, courses, Health Ministry programme in Kelantan (which I'm the organizer for Hospital Gua Musang), and lots more.

Honestly I don't have problems dealing with workstuff, but I'm so stressed dealing with my stepbrother. Sometimes I just wonder if I should just ditch him and let his father take care of him (which is very impossible, no one knows where he is now). I love him like my own brother. It's just that I cannot handle him- so stubborn and apparently he also lied to me about doing his homeworks. I just checked through his bag today, and I found out he's got more than 5 homeworks not done (I dunno since when). He lied to me about doing his schoolwork so that he could play games on the internet. And I, stupidly believing in him, let him use the computer all this while without checking if he's done his homework or not. Today I lost my anger at him, AGAIN. Last time I lost my anger at him, it caused him seizures and I had to admit him to the ward for one night. Today I don't feel like I care. I can hear him walking around in the house so I know he's not fitting.

I just hope Allah will give me strength at least for this year to take care of him. I want him to have at least SPM education. I'm still single, never been a mother and all of sudden I have to take care of a 17 year old teenage boy who thinks all about himself and not others. I'm still having difficulties coping with him. It's easier to take care of a cat than him.

I'm just so tired.. emotionally drained, physically exhausted and mentally disturbed.
I'd better go calm myself
bye....

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