Back to reality

It's been a while since I just "disappeared"
well... I have always been around but I just kept myself low..
so many things have happened since march 2013 - well, not so many things. it was just one thing that I had to deal with but apparently it was so hard.

Break-up.... yeah that was it. I had been through a lot of break-ups with my previous ex-boyfriends but this one... sigh... it was such a heartbreak. It is sufficient to say that 4 years of effort, time and money being invested gave me nothing in return except heartache and tears. And my dignity had been crushed down till nothing left because the main reason of the break-up was he cheated on me-- and it was with a woman same age as my father. yeah, you heard me- same age as my father. she is a grandmother of one boy, hmmm and I don't know what else to say.

But all I know is, after few months of struggle, I think i'm back to reality and hopefully this time on the right track. I need to correct whatever wrongs I have done in the past, I need to "clean up the mess" he has left behind for me, and furthermore I have to move on so that I won't be stuck in this situation of "black-hole".

I have had my "black-hole" age before, and I don't want to go through that again. This time Alhamdulillah I feel stronger although it wasn't easy. The support I have from my siblings and close friends have made it bearable for me to go through although with much difficulties and heartache. Some more, I found comfort in someone who now has become like a brother to me- at times I feel I like him more than that, but I don't want to be mistaking that feeling as another. I don't want to rush and I'm not ready for another heart-break since he is already seeing someone. Right now, all I want is some space so that I could gain back my self-respect and dignity- whatever is left of me..

To be honest doing so at times like this is so difficult- with all the weddings I've been invited to, the child birth of many of my married friends and so on, oh god... it is so hard... but I have to hold on. Everybody has his/her own story in this world, and I have to believe that my story is somewhat unique and hopefully it will have a good ending... I really hope so. One thing for sure, right now I'm back. Yes, I'm back to reality.